As a mom I keep finding that it is very easy to stop doing things that I like to do and only focus on everyone else and what they like to do. My son is 3 years old and I have definitly started to see how this has been affecting me recently. All of my focus for the past three years has been on my son and my husband. I did work up until the end of last year so I did not have much extra time on my hands to really focus on myself anyway. However, now that I have been staying at home I am realizing that what I have been doing is not working and I really need to start to focus on investing in myself.
The problem with investing in yourself is that there are always people that want to knock you down or mom shame you if you choose to do something for yourself. If you work too much then you are a bad mom, if you don’t work enough then you are a bad mom… in reality you can never win with some people. I also hate the saying about giving up everything for your kids. This does not make us better mothers just because we sacrifice our own lives. Sometimes we do need to sacrifice for our kids, however, it should not be all the time!
If you are like me and you have been stuck in a rut for a while and cannot figure out what it is that is keeping you here maybe it is because you have not been investing in yourself enough. One way I have decided to start focusing on myself again is that I am starting to work out. I worked out so much before I got pregnant and I loved the way I felt when I was being active. I have just had to modify how and when I do my workouts. I fixed up the basement so that we have a little play area down there and now almost everyday we go down there for about an hour in the mornings and I get my workout in. Ray hangs out and plays with his toys, dances to the music, or sometimes even tries to do my workouts with me! I have to remind myself that it is ok if he spends sometime playing by himself and discovering things for himself. I carry that mom guilt that I am not stimulating him every moment of the day. However, that is not healthy for either of us so I have to just push those thoughts to the back of my mind. I also have to be mindful that it is ok if I do not get a workout in one day and that it is not the end of the world.
Some other ways I am investing in myself is to make sure I get up in the mornings and put myself together. When I look good I feel good and that makes me all around a better person and mom. Because we do so much for everyone else we have to remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup and it is essential (especially for stay at home moms) that we do not lose ourselves throughout our days being wives and moms. We are still people too and should not feel guilty if we want to sit down and read a book or go take a workout class or just get into a tub at the end of a long day.
My life used to be pretty exciting before I graduated from college and started having to really be an adult. Then once I became a mom all of that exciting stuff kind of got pushed to the back burner and now I find myself struggling to find myself again. Committing to really doing things that I want to do and trying to do something fun and exciting at least once during the day either for myself or for our family is really starting to turn things around. It is ok to be yourself while being a mom and wife. We must never forget ourselves throughout our crazy lives. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of this every now and then.