This weeks challenge was all about self acceptance. Last week I was having a tough week and I am realizing now that I am very tough on myself. When in reality, if I just would accept who I really am a lot of the stress over who I want to be would go away. Every day I feel as though I am swimming up stream and fighting a losing battle of who I am right now and who I want to be and who I thought I would be at this stage in my life.
I think that as a mom, it is sometimes difficult to be fully true to yourself. There is always an idea of the type of mom that you pictured you would be but then there are all these other feelings that you have once these little people are put into your lives. As a mom if you were not super confident in who you were as a person in general before kids it really gets muddled up after you have them. I know for me I was first really into fashion and stuff like that. Now, I can barley tell you what the latest trends are for the season. After college I then got really into fitness and being really healthy and competing. Now, that is the furthest thing from my mind because it is so hard to stay consistent.
I really need to release the idea that I have to be a perfect mom with the perfect house and schedule all while doing it all and being super successful. I don’t want to be filled with stress of perfection. I also do not want to be filled with stress that I am going to regret not doing things that I want to do because I don’t feel like others would approve. I want to show my son that he is able to do anything. Even if he feels like the timeline on what he thinks he wants to do may have run out already. Being able to accept that you cannot be perfect but you can try your best and strive for things that you want to accomplish in your lives.
I guess I have always been terrified that if I just accepted that this is the way my life is then I would not strive to do anything or try to fulfill any of my own dreams. I feel that if you do that then you are almost just accepting defeat. However, if you accept yourself and what you feel is right in your life and work toward making the things that are not right/ good better then that is a better way to think about self-acceptance. It is not always accepting defeat. You can use it toward bettering yourself as long as you make sure that you are not just trying to make everything perfect because life is never perfect.
Overall these past three weeks of self kindness have really made me think about what I want in my life and what I have been personally struggling with for a long time. I am realizing that I am a very big perfectionist, however, this is not a great thing when it comes to being kind to myself. Letting go of some things and focusing more on trying to be better every day instead of trying to be perfect everyday will ultimately make me more kind to myself and in turn will hopefully help to make me a better mother.
“Resistance is futile. The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life. The pain that you create now is always some from of non-acceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is.” ~Exkhart Tolle