This week has been a very tough week for me. I have just been emotionally drained from every day things and life in general. As I sit here and reflect on the this weeks focus for self compassion I am realizing that the way I personally talk to myself is not how I would talk to anyone that I know. Especially someone that I love. A lot of it is a default reaction and thought process that I have carried with me for years. I am noticing that I tend to think about and talk about what I should be doing; with my life, with my health, with my family. I have always been one to think about how I can make my life better and how I wish so much for things to be just a little bit different all the time. A lot of it seems to be the grass is greener on the other side syndrome.
I have struggled with always hoping and wishing for things that I do not currently have. Always hoping that the people around me would act just a little bit different. Hoping that I could have more control over my situations and the people that are in them. This week has really been a struggle for me because I currently have a very defiant toddler right now and I cannot seem to keep control over the situations that I am in. This lack of control causes me stress and wishing for other things.
What has surprised me, though, is that as I have been feeling like I want things to be different this challenge has been in the back of my mind. I have been more conscious of trying to change the words that I am choosing to say to myself. I have been trying to stay in the moment and really see what is happening in front of me. In doing this I have been realizing how great the things in my life really are. And I have been learning that when I am constantly overthinking about life in general that Ray picks up on that. He sees the stress that my own mind is putting me through. This week I have been trying to teach him that it is ok to allow these feelings to come.
It is ok to acknowledge that you have feelings like this but then you have to let them go and be kinder to yourself. I am worried that if I hide all of this from him, he won’t know how do deal with emotions and self talk when he is older. He has to learn how to have self compassion as well and the only way he is going to learn it is if I show him how I handle these types of feelings. I really hope that he is not going to be an overthinker like I am but if he is I want to be able to help him know how to deal with it. This is something that I am realizing now that I need to get a handle on so that I can teach and show him.
We have to realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side. It really can be green on both. Depending on how we talk to ourselves and what we allow ourselves to focus on. We have to make sure that even when we have these thoughts and feelings that we are allowed to feel these but then we have to stop ourselves and bring ourselves back to the present moment. Instead of being so hard on ourselves for what we think and feel we have to have compassion for ourselves in order to move forward.
Go back and take care of yourself. Your body needs you, your feelings need you, your perceptions need you. Your suffering needs you to acknowledge it. Go home and be there for these things. ~Thich Nhat Hanh